Unprompted Love.

Sienna has been crazy attached to me lately. Mommy and mama are nearly the first words out of her mouth in the morning (if we aren't counting saying good morning to her duck lovey), and almost always the last word at night after a tired "night night" is muttered. 

She wants me all the time. If I am upstairs and she is downstairs, she will come to the bottom of the stairs and scream, "MAMA! Downtairs now!" When J tries to distract her, she figures out a way to wiggle past the gate and open the bathroom door, even the shower curtain, until she finds me. 

Some days it is utterly tiring. I can't unload the dishwasher without her asking to be picked up, or yelling for me to come play a game. If I leave her with someone else, she says no and cries. (She's always fine less than  five minutes after I'm gone) By the end of the day, I feel like I've been needed so much sometimes that I might as well have a newborn. The honestly may sound harsh, but motherhood for me has always been about finding balance- there is good and bad lurking around every corner- but the good joy always outweighs the not so joyous.

Last night, I knelt down to find some tupperware for leftover soup. I had the cabinet door open and was stooped down peering inside. I heard the pitter patter of little feet coming running towards me and before I had the chance to turn and look, I got bombarded with a huge hug from behind. Two little outstretched arms, a head resting on my back. Giggles. Sienna has always been a cuddling baby and child, but this development lately is life changing. The choice of unprompted warmth and affection from Sienna is so incredible. It is these moments that hands down make me feel like every hard moment of parenting is worth it.  It's understanding that while we may have a tantrum to deal with, or a rough night of sleep, we are teaching her that affection is good. It is knowing that despite how crazy life seems in my head at times, it is actually quite lovely. 

I need to give myself reminders to let go of the little things that can build up sometimes in parenting. You know, the 4am playtime that makes me exhausted the next day. The tiny freak out over wanting to touch something that's hot. The bad car ride resulting in tears. They are little missteps on this adventure, but it is always worth the journey. The little things on the flip side: getting a hug without asking for one from my one year old. Hearing the sweet joy of giggles when Sienna thinks something is funny. Watching her learn new words and use them every day. Those are actually the big, important things.

I'm so thankful for my toddler (okay fine, and my husband who sometimes plays like a toddler), who are able to show me the joys in life, just when I need it the most.