Last time I had a newborn, I was a new mama. I had no idea about the joy, or the worry, or the countless other emotions that come with having your own tiny little being come home with you from the hospital for the first time. I think we did a pretty good job- we tried our best. But looking back there are things that I think could have. And things I'll try to do this time. I say try because we all know what life with a newborn looks like.
1. Pumping: I was so engorged and everyone told me not to pump because I'd produce more milk. That statement was correct- but turns out I needed more milk! Those first few months my supply waxed and waned and I was joyous on the nights I leaked and had too much milk. So I'll pump earlier on if I am engorged. It will be relief and also help me start building my supply and the freezer supply.
2. Nursing in the evenings: I tried really hard to nurse on demand, but between the hours of 6pm and 10pm I often got frustrated. In my mind, if I could hold Sienna off another half hour between feedings I'd have a little more milk and she would be more full. I need to go with the cluster feeding in the evening, especially if it means less screaming from the baby. And there's that supply thing too.
3. Saying no to guests: I was bad at this. ONCE I said no but made Jamie say no for me. This time, if you text or call and I'm crying or nursing and it isn't a good time for a visitor- I will say no. This means at the hospital too. That time is so precious and so exhausting and sometimes the best thing is to have no one bothering you (except you mom, you're welcome anytime).
4. Saying YES when people ask if I need anything: Since becoming a mom, I make every attempt to help my mom friends when their newborns come. I shoot a text saying I'm dropping off dinner. I bring over little presents for the siblings. I throw their dishes in the dishwasher if they are in the sink. Last time when people asked, I would always say I was fine. This time? Yes, please bring me a frozen dinner. Yes, you can indeed throw that load of baby clothes in the washer. Yes, you can take Sienna outside for a half hour. Yes, to whatever you are offering.
5. Not letting it all fall on me: I was under the impression with Sienna that because I was nursing anytime she cried it was totally up to me to make her stop. Jamie was (and is) the best dad and offers continuously to help anytime I need it. I am determined this time to hand her off at 4am if I have already nursed the baby and she's still crying. I'm determined to go take a long hot shower while my dad offers to sing the new little one to sleep when she's fussing. It's too much to do it all alone, and I still struggle with that daily with Sienna. This time, I hope to start off on a better foot.
6. Be more gentle and kind to myself: I beat myself up last time if I ended up a bawling mess when Sienna was crying, or if I was so tired I couldn't see straight. This time, I know it's coming. The crazy hormonal crash after the joy. The feelings of Oh god what did we do... And I know that my mom friends will text or call me back saying, "it's so normal". I also think that due to a few close friends going through it, I will be better prepared to know what is normal vs PPD/PPA and make sure to deal with it if it comes my way.
7. Getting out of the house sooner: I don't mean heading to the club. I mean heading to Target without fearing the newborn will wail. Because she might- but she will be fine and so will I. Taking a shower and walking outside with Sienna to play, going to the grocery store. I might need help, but moving instead of just sitting has always been a good thing for me- no matter what it is that's difficult at that point in life. This shouldn't be any different. And I can take 3 minutes to shower, even if it means frizzy hair, because it makes me feel like more of a person.
8. Taking more photos with me in them: I don't care if I look tired and bleary eyed. I don't care if my hair is a mess- in 20 years I know 100% I will look back thinking I looked way better than I thought. And probably way better than in 20 years.
9. Showing up to groups- breastfeeding, play, whatever before 6 months: Social support has been my #1 gift as a mom. My mom, my friends. My closest mama friend is moving this week (tears) and I know that I will need others to hold me up and share my joys. Since we are keeping our amazing nanny on, there's no reason I can't kick myself out of the house at 8 weeks to get to the breastfeeding groups at the hospital or show up to a 2-4 month old parents as teachers playgroup. Never know where a new good mama friend is lurking. And no one judges if you show up in yoga pants and non-matching shoes. While I'm at it, making sure to thank my friends who support me, whether it be via text or phone calls or showing up with lunch.
10. Be less crazy about sleep (Sarah! don't laugh at me, I said TRY!): This is kid #2. There will be days car naps are necessary. There will be days when I will likely be nursing #2 when #1 wants breakfast and we have to take a break. Sleep is my biggest source of anxiety as a parent, probably because S thrives on good sleep and is so cranky when she doesn't get it- true for all kids but especially true for her. I am going to try to relax. I am going to remember that sleeping "through the night" means 5-6 hours, not 12. I am going to remember that this baby will be happy and loved, and while I will 100% still keep her on a schedule when possible, the days of nazi sleep mom may have to be relinquished. Someone remind me of this when I am texting people at 4 am saying that this is it and I am running away to a convent.
I'm hoping this will make for an easier newborn transition for me and for the new baby. 10 weeks to go until we try all of this out!
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| (Then again... doesn't look like we did so bad, right?) |
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