April 6, 2015

10 Things I wish I could change about my Mom Body (It's not what you think)

Sometimes I dream about having my pre baby body back, but I've become accustomed to those changes. The extra fat or skin or changes in shape are part of having these beautiful children. Sure, being able to wear a bikini confidently again would be nice. But do you know what would be nicer? These things. 

1.  Skinnier Hips

But not for the reason you think. Stuffed between two car seats in the backseat of our altima on a road trip with both girls crying I have never longed for a thinner model of myself. The bruises on both hip bones and awkward sideways sitting would love more space.

2: Extra Hand (or two or five but I'd settle for one)

All the time. Seriously. But recently? Target parking lot trying to "one handedly" fold the stroller and get the infant and toddler both in the car before breakdown ensues.While not letting the toddler's chocolate milk and cake pop from Starbucks spill (don't judge). It would be extra especially nice if my arm was stretchy.

3.  Breast attached to my hand

What is it with all these car things? When we are driving and the only thing I can reach back to the babe's car seat is my hand- and she is not interested at all in a hand. Wouldn't it be nice? A bottle wouldn't work either because I'd have to see what I was doing. Boobhand. 

{Honorable breastfeeding mention by my friend Sarah: Breastmilk on tap. No pumping. Just hit a button and voila- a bottle is ready}

4. Unattached eyes (That sounds so weird now that I typed it)

Especially now that it's spring. I'm running into the house with groceries, or the baby, or a coffee, and the toddler insists she is fine staying outside alone. I have to decide between bad mom and letting raw chicken decompose on the front lawn.

5. Legs that never get tired

Have you ever swayed tirelessly at 3 am for an hour, only to put the baby down and have them wake up two point five seconds later and start the process over? My legs want to fall off. But I can't sit down. BECAUSE SHE KNOWS if I sit down. How dare you rock a baby while sitting instead of standing? Legs. I need better ones. 

6.  Everlasting clean hair.

It's not that I don't cherish the time I do get to take a hot shower, I do. A lot. But the process of washing, drying, and flat ironing takes time. Sometimes I don't feel like it. Sometimes I have two kids and am trying to get out the door to gym class and dry shampoo has to be my bff. But ongoingly clean hair I never would have to worry about? Sign.me.up.

7. Bigger (stronger) bladder.

Post pregnancy bladder is just not what it used to be. And even before that, I was always the one in line at the frat party 10x after a few miller lites. But now? I don't have time to pee. Especially not when I'm out with both girls/at a park with no bathroom/in the car with the kids/running out the door late for work. I need this organ to hold about five times what it does now. That would be lovely. 

8. A voice box that repeats what I say in programmed intervals.

Put on your shoes. It's time for dinner. Please bring your cup downstairs. I hate nagging. I truly do. I would love it if my brain just sent out wavelengths telling my kids what to do when I needed them to do it. It could even follow them around the house while I packed up the diaper bag.

9. A husband's ability to sleep through all sounds.

Okay, fine, that's not a "body" thing but maybe an ear thing? Once the hubby is out, he's out. He will hear a screeching baby or a blood curdling toddler scream. But that babbling I hear? Never. The foot hitting the crib that jolts me awake? Nope. Peaceful dreams. Give me some of that.

10. Photographic Memory that printed actual photos and videos. On demand.

The time DOES go fast. My iphone cannot keep up with the amount of hilarious things my toddler says or the cute phases my baby makes. I want to capture it, all in my head, and one day be able to go back and say "What was Piper doing on April 6, 2015?" or "How did Sienna say the word banana ate age 3 when she's talking too fast?"(ablana for the record). This one is cheesy, I know. But I'm the biggest proponent of photo taking, and I want the memories to all last as long as humanly possible. I can't be in two places at once either (damn, maybe I just need two of me) so I'd love the sweet snapshot of my toddler before bed time before scuttling off to rock the infant.

I guess none of this is realistic, but a girl can dream. What mombody part do you wish you had?

See? Need a third arm to carry bags. And possibly have a cocktail.



Post a Comment

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...