September 4, 2012

Stay at Home Mom

I can't help the anxiously excited feeling I have lately. I know this isn't permanent. A transient state of affairs in the Walls home. A three weeks so fleeting I won't be able to breathe it in wholy enough. Can it be possible? Did I make it through the past six months unscathed? Did Sienna survive nanny days, grammy days, and daddy days, us both yearning for the days when we could revert to nursing in my bed watching the morning news? She did. I did. And for a small window of time, there will be no juggling the baby while one parent showers and the other chugs down their coffee in between making funny faces. Sure, J still wakes Sienna up. But after that, she's mine. This won't last forever. But Friday, in the late afternoon, when I stepped out of the office fairwell luch after my last casual Friday, put on my sunglasses, and turned the key to my car, I became a SAHM.

I have to admit, before I had a baby I always envied them for the ease of their days. Their yoga pants and tank tops, small child on their hip, carrying their starbucks around Target as they hand their little ones goldfish. What a blissful life, I thought. Now I know the truth. Mamahood is most certainly the hardest job there is. But I'm ready. I'm ready for play dates. I'm ready to see every smile, giggle, and laugh. I'm ready to sit with my baby in the darkness of her room in the afternoon  rocking her before nap time, burying my face in her neck to smell her sweet baby scent. I'm ready to build an even stronger bond. I'm ready to watch her learn. There's nothing more beautiful or perfect than seeing my sweet little gal gain another bit of knowledge about the world around her- whether it be the movement of leaves blowing in the wind or the crinkling of the crate and barrel catalog- and sometimes throwing the crumpled up pages to the cat.

This new thing, I know it will come with its challenges. But, because I know it's so time limited, I will be able to soak every ounce of me in baby-ness. I'll take the fussy days. I'll take feeling tired. I'll take it all. And in the evening when J comes home, I'll probably know why SAHM hand babies off to dads for bathtime!

...In a few weeks, life will revert to working mom. But, only part time working mom. A balance that will be so perfect it makes me grin from ear to ear just thinking about it. Three extra days with S? Plus doing what I love as my job? It is almost too good to be true. Shouldn't all moms be given this option?

Today, in celebration of our first real day together, we went swimming. In the kitchen. Break the rules. This is what makes life with kids so much fun.


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