S I X MONTHS of Piper.

Half of a year!

Miss Piper turned six months old a couple weeks ago. I am so behind on blogging and keeping these updates, but I really do hope my girls can look back and see how they grew and changed so here it goes. Better late than never:

P is so smiley. Every single person who sees her says this. She smiles at everyone as long as they smile at her. Our nanny greets her with "hi smiley girl!" every morning. Sienna pulls her paci out of her mouth and says "hiiiii Piper!!" to get her to reveal her gummy grin.

Piper is still our little peanut- 14lbs 14 oz a week before her six month birthday! She's 26 inches so not really a peanut in length. Our girl is still obsessed with breast milk only. After getting her tongue tie and lip tie clipped, she honestly doesn't nurse much better and still prefers bottles- but lots of them. Solid foods so far are sort of bleh- she isn't super impressed! This girl prefers the healthiest stuff around, so I keep pumping for her. We sort of have it down to a science now.

She is learning and doing so much each day. Every morning she likes to sit and watch Sienna as she runs around like crazy. She loves picking up objects and can FINALLY get her own pacifier back in her mouth thankfully. Of course, at night, she seems to forget that progress and cry for mama. We are working on sleep. Definitely working on it. I used to say Sienna was my bad sleeper- I was wrong. Pipes, you sure know how to keep mama on her toes in the hours of 10pm-6am!

She's rolling around and reaching for things but no actual movement yet. Which is fine with me because I'm well aware it all gets way harder after that! Six months feels like a big deal, but also feels like P's always been with us. Sienna adores her and watching them play is so fun. I can't wait for Piper to continue to learn from Sienna and I can only imagine the trouble these two will get into in another few months when P starts to really move.

Piper, you are so adorable. You are sweet and cuddly and mama's little buddy lately. I can't wait to see what the second half of your first year has in store for us!

XOXO,
Mama

The case of a missed tongue & lip tie.

This is a long story.  I've actually sat down to my blog to write this a few times, at different points, but the tears come and I get too frustrated. Now that I have some answers- even if they can't fix things- I'm ready to get the story out there.

When Piper was four days old (yes four days), I called a lactation consultant that we used with Sienna. I specifically said "she's clicking when she eats". I was sore. I was already starting to develop thrush. But girlfriend could latch and stick her tongue out and the LC said "not tied". I asked a few more times and was told if she could latch okay, she was fine.

She also was gaining weight, which in retrospect I think was only because I had SUCH a huge oversupply. She barely had to suck to get milk. We had so many difficult symptoms. Gas, reflux, constipation on her end. Thrush, nursing pain, redness on my end. The latch was awful no matter what I did. Her little lip flipped under. Still, we kept on trekking.

Fast forward to seven weeks old. This was my first major breakdown. Piper slept 7 hours straight at night some nights, but wouldn't feed. She would cry and claw at me, pop on and off. Sometimes completely refuse to nurse. We'd go five hours, then I'd give her a bottle. Some days we barely fed at all.  Bed time became so horrible because she would start crying on the way upstairs. She was too tired to make the effort to feed- looking back I know this now. So I'd give her a bottle and then pump. I cried so many tears. Endless tears about losing my nursing relationship. We went to a wedding that weekend. I put on a smiling face but it was one of my hardest days of parenthood. The break, as I look back, probably was the best thing for me. But, my heart was broken into pieces.

From weeks seven until thirteen, we ran the gamut to figure out what was wrong. A second opinion from another (wonderful) LC. Visits to the chiropractor. Two trips to the GI specialist. Everyone said- reflux must be the culprit because she was spitting and coughing and looking disorganized. After tons of fighting, it was time to return to work. Bottles became part of her everyday repertoire.

I began "exclusively pumping" aka a life of hell. I pump, clean my parts, put together the next bottle and hope to get it all done during her naps. I freeze what I can when I can. When P's awake, I lay her on the play mat or in her bouncy chair. Oh, that second child I have? Right. Sienna is usually really good while I pump and we can do things like puzzles or painting or coloring which is cool with her as long as she has my attention. At first, I couldn't keep up. I found a kind hearted mama friend who donated milk to us in case we needed back up. I slowly worked on building my supply. I took supplements. I ate oatmeal. I increased my fluids. I pumped up to 10 times a day. It worked, at least to a degree, because most days I pump more than she consumes. I am proud to say I now have over 450 ounces in my freezer.  My first goal was to make it to 6 months on exclusively breastmilk- and we've almost done it! This is not to sound like I'm whining either- pumping is 100% my choice. I could formula feed but that's just not what I have in mind for myself and Piper. Every day I wake up and make the decision to keep going with this. And so far, that's the best choice for us even if it does mean extra work. 

 The middle of the night nursing has been the one thing I can hang onto.  I go in there and scoop her up and cuddle her close and she is still the most erratic nurser on the planet. But she nurses. I feel milk dripping down my arms sometimes as it spills out of her mouth. She latches and unlatches and sometimes sighs and grunts when she's frustrated. But it's just us- and there's no rush- and it works for now. She keeps my supply up and I get middle of the night sweetness. (Her night waking and me refusing to fully sleep train her is also a product of nursing at this time).

After a few months of all of this, I've settled in. Pumping is still not fun but I've learned the tricks of the trade, I can get it done relatively quickly when I need to, and I have a husband and support system that lifts me up and keeps me motivated. And Piper, sweet smiley happy Piper thrives on breast milk.

Two weeks ago I was home with Piper playing on the floor. As I was making funny noises with her lips, I realized it was hard to lift her top lip. So then I tried more. And what did I see? A TIE. I don't even know ties well but I saw it right away. I started fishing for information all over. I joined a facebook group about tongue ties. I read up on Dr. Ghaheri's website. I read Dr. Kotlow's website. She hit every single symptom. I did too. The thrush, the pain, the poor latch, the lack of weight gain. And there it was... in front of me this whole time....

Piper is tongue and lip tied. 

She's posterior tongue tied, which is harder to find. But still, it's there. Her frenulum on her top lip is tight and wide, so it likely would cause funky spacing in her teeth. And no one caught it until I took to the internet. It makes me wildly insane that my breastfeeding relationship was squandered by something that could have been fixed... you know... back at that four day mark. If you think something is wrong with feeding, keep seeking help. Keep asking more people for more opinions. Feeding shouldn't be a struggle! Not like this.

So here we are. Trying to balance the anger and the hope. My poor baby hasn't been fussy, she's been struggling to functionally eat well. Last night as the monitor turned from green to orange and I heard her cries, I went to get her and settled into her chair. I nursed her as I felt her dribbling milk out. I reassured her that she was okay and to try again when she unlatched. I smelled her sweet smell and held her close- and in that moment in the dark at 4am, I reminded myself we are just both doing the best we can.

Next week we go back for her appointment to get her tongue and lip revised. I'm hopeful, but also realize that she's now been having bottles and nursing erratically for five months. We will have to retrain her in proper sucking. Do stretches. The battle isn't over, but at least we know what we're fighting now.

On the upside: I have the smiliest happiest girl. And for that, despite all of this, I am thankful.

Little love bug

Piper,

 

You are sweet and always smiling. Everyone comments on your cheery little face.

You like to hold onto my arm when we walk around the house.

And at night, when you're tired, we curl up in your chair.

Sometimes I do miss nursing, but you're so sweet and content.

You look up at me and coo. You wrap your fingers around mine.

You grab your lovie and close your eyes.

 

Five months has gone by in a flash.

I love you, littlest one.

 

Baby Piranha... The case of the difficult nurser.

I hesitate to write about the negatives, the struggles sometimes. It feels self-pitying, and life is pretty good. But with all the ups of parenting and babyness, there are downs too. And while Piper has some of the greatest qualities in a sweet baby (already smiling, sleeping pretty well, loves to cuddle), breastfeeding has not been a walk in the park.

At discharge from the hospital, we were doing awesome. Piper was nursing all the time. But almost as soon as we got home, she was difficult. Head bobbing, crying before nursing, stopping halfway through to scream. Her poop (sorry TMI) was greenish and watery. We also got a lovely major encounter with thrush- both of us. I found myself pulling through the CVS pharmacy with a fussing baby in the back seat waiting for nystatin- for her and diflucan- for me.  It got worse as she got older and by two and a half weeks, I was in tears and on the phone with the pediatrician and lactation consultant after almost a full day of no nursing and uber engorgement.  The ped said to come in, and after a half hour on the phone with the LC, she even suspected something was up: namely reflux. She said it could also be oversupply and to try to get P to nurse longer on one side.

A wailing baby from almost a half day of no nursing and an hour at the ped later, we had a prescription for zantac, a strong recommendation for me to go dairy-free in my diet, and the advice to block feed.

The truth is, since we did all of this at once, I am not sure where the improvement came from. But for a couple weeks, nursing was bearable. Not great but reasonable. Piper was putting on weight and she was happy between feeds.

A few weeks later, right before her six week birthday, she started getting fussier again after a day of two bottles (I went to meet my new niece and wasn't home for two nursings), and totally went on a nursing strike. This lasted for a day - a day of wailing and of me absolutely breaking down in tears from it all. It was too much and I was so sad for both of us. I called the LC again. I asked her to come back and watch Piper feed. We upped her zantac, but my suspicion was that it was the bottles. She said it just may be. Insert fear of going back to work here. She also said Piper is a super efficient and well- greedy! nurser and she gets impatient waiting for the let downs so she pulls off and cries until she gets another one. She also will not nurse if she hasn't pooped that day- a major issue considering that she doesn't go daily. Ohhh drama queen already - definitely my kiddo! When she was here, she taught sienna "how to nurse" with her baby. The cutest thing ever.

She's still not perfect. We are almost 7 weeks into this thing. One and a half months of my twelve month goal. Who knows, I may not make it to a year if this continues. But every feeding we make a new attempt at this. She sleeps so well when she feeds well during the day, so it's also distressing when our last two feeds are difficult because I know there's a hard road ahead for overnight. When she doesn't feed well? She's up and gassy and cranky. It's so sad because I know she can do a good 6 hour snooze for me!

I'm hoping for 12 months of nursing, but I'm thankful for each day longer we make it in this crazy relationship. The good, the bad, and the ugly are all rearing their heads. Because when she nurses well I gaze down at her and see my sweet girl just needing some care from her mama. And when it's bad, we sometimes just cuddle up and throw in the towel for that feeding, me fighting back my own tears. As she gets older I hope it gets easier; I hope we get into a better groove. For the love of god, without the ability to nurse in public places (she won't nurse under a cover and the efforts and screaming that come with it are mind boggling sometimes) I feel like a prisoner in my house some days!

Goal of the week: get both girls out on my own and not let this difficult nursing thing get the worst of me. One day at a time here, one day at a time.

After a good feeding...

Nursing our babies.