Thirty Six Weeks. Five Days.

Weeks:  36 weeks, 5 days. FRIDAY is 37 weeks! Yay! This sweatshirt was the same one I wore in my 20 week shot, it apparently isn't fully doing its job anymore. But it's still super comfy!
Feeling: Crampy contractions and back pain constantly. Waiver between wanting baby to get here and getting some of body back and wanting her to stay put a few more weeks!
Belly:  Oh my goodness, if you can't tell in this photo, it's SO LOW. I don't think I ever dropped this low with Sienna. It's almost comical!
Movement: Losing space in there for sure, so movements are slow but steady.
Craving:  Just liquids all the time. Gatorade mixed with water is still the go to, but occasionally I crave a little bit of soda and am allowing myself to go for it at this point. Bananas and peanut butter are my fav snack.
Gender: I sure hope it's still a girl, Sienna is SURE her name will be Minnie.  
Other symptoms: Nausea! Yuck! Thought I got rid of that first tri but it's back. More nose bleeds. Leg pain that is not fun.
Random thoughts: Thankful to almost be 37 weeks.  Annoyed with all the contractions because I don't think I should be in pain and not sleeping BEFORE the new baby comes, isn't that what the first 6 weeks postpartum is for? Can't wait to see what this little one looks like and if she's Sienna's twin when she arrives.  I AM SO THANKFUL FOR MY PARENTS. They have been helping with Sienna endlessly on my bad days and I cannot even imagine not having them. Jamie and I are the luckiest luckiest people to have them, especially my forever self-less mama.
Looking forward to: Doctor's appointment Friday and getting another update on my status. One day, no day soon, sleeping again for more than a few hours and on my stomach. Seeing Sienna meet baby the first time- she is getting excited and keeps asking when she's coming. J put the double stroller together the other day and she said "I need my baby sister!!!"

Getting Ready... .

First: THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU MOM & DAD. My parents stepped in big time this week. Ever since my trip to the hospital a few weeks ago for contractions, there is no end in sight. No full labor, but no end of the pain and the annoyance. It's worrisome because I want her to cook longer, and it's tiring because Sienna wants me to run around and I just can't do it all the time.

Sunday my dad came, helped J clean out the baby room, and we now have some semblance of organization. He then insisted he wanted to take Sienna home with him- and the two of them drove back to Yardley to give me a break. A much needed break even though I do miss my little monkey. Having more time in the morning to slowly get up, and last night being able to relax after work were both huge. My parents are my heroes. My mom especially since she was also taking care of my grandma who broke her arm!

Anyway.... here we are. 37 weeks on Friday. And it's becoming a real possibility that this baby will make her appearance in the next few weeks. I am in no huge rush, because I want the last days of Sienna as an only child to be special. And I want this little one's lungs to keep working and developing. But my body is starting to really give out on me and I am frustrated at that- so when she decides to make her appearance, I know it's time.

The room:
A crib is set up! Yay! We made the decision awhile ago to keep the guest bed in that room, so we went with a blue and bright pink theme. Also J hung the tv that was on a stand up on the wall in the corner so when guests visits (or when I'm nursing and Sienna neeeeds to watch Mickey) we still have it there. We ordered Sienna a new dresser for her room and will swap out the changing table to the baby's room once that arrives. She's cool with it because she says she needs a "medium sized" dresser because she has "too many clothes!" True story kiddo. We need to hang the art on the wall but I want to wait until we get the changing table in the right place. Andddd we are going to attempt to fit the glider in there - at some point- maybe.

Clothes:
All set for now. Things are washed and ready. We plan to bring Baby 2.0 home in the same outfit as Sienna as long as it fits her. We have plenty of newborn and 0-3 onesies and a few special outfits for little girl. For now, they are in a big Land of Nod pink and white basket until we set up the changing table and have space for clothes.

Stuff:
Pretty much we have all the newborn things we need. We got a wipes warmer this time, as I previously discussed.  A new pump. A new boppy cover. And some new tommee tippees. We washed the car seat cover and the rock n play cover, the swing is ready.... I mean really we will be nursing, sleeping (god help us I hope...), and amusing big sister while doing those things. I am not as concerned with the "stuff" as I was last time.

Hospital Bag:
Semi packed. I have baby blankets, baby outfit, some comfy clothes for me, socks, and a nursing bra and tank. I'll have to throw things like my brush and contacts in at the last minute anyway. We are super lucky in that we live 5-10 minutes from the hospital and we can have friends or family bring us what we need, when we need it if we do forget.

Big sister Prep:
We've been reading big sister books nightly. We talk about baby.  Sienna asks for her to come out. This will be a huge adjustment, and I know that... but I am so looking forward to seeing the sweet sisters together! We also have some small gifts that the baby can give Sienna. And we ordered a super cute big sis tee for when they first meet!


Overall... I am sick of being pregnant but glad baby has stayed put as long as she has.  I think we are as ready as we will ever be mentally. Hoping to get as much rest as possible before she arrives and spend some good time with big sister Sienna!

34 weeks. And why I have a 16 day countdown.

Here we are at 34 weeks. Two days until 35 weeks. Why does 35 matter? That is the point they no longer stop your labor if it starts on its own. I think it's safe to say that they wouldn't stop me two days shy of that either. The contractions I mentioned last post are hanging in strong. 2-6/hr but never getting regular. More of an annoyance and constant worry of real labor kicking in- or my water breaking.

Weeks:  34 weeks, 5 days.
Feeling: At the risk of being the complainy/whiny pregnant woman in the room, I feel lousy. I have my good hours for sure, but the braxton hicks/perhaps real contractions that seem to be occuring every 7-30 minutes are really driving me crazy and they are painful. My back and sides feel crampy constantly and my GI system is wacky. Five more weeks of this feels insane, but I am also praying she hands in another 16 days. That's the countdown until 37 weeks. That's the first goal to make it to. After that, 39 will be my next hoorah!
 On the upside, I am feeling way more prepared for labor and a newborn than the first go round. It's a whole different world with some perspective from the other side.
Belly:  Belly button totally popped out. Belly definitely a lot lower- no more difficulty breathing unless I sit in a bad position. And I have to say, at least everyone knows I'm pregnant and no one is wondering if I am waddling or gaining weight for no reason.
Movement: Huge movements. Especially if laying on my side. Sometimes it is a huge elbow or knee I see protruding, other times I feel her entire butt move across my rib cage. I also feel movement REALLY low down- always makes me have to pee!
Craving:  Waterade (aka half water half gatorade, with ice). Still sleep. Sweets again. Uh oh. And also regular milk which is bizarre because I'm lactose intollerant.
Gender: GIRL. 
Other symptoms: Still worried about this little poptart staying in there long enough. My legs and back feel tired. Oh! And nosebleeds!
Random thoughts: I am so so tired of worrying about impending labor. Every time I get a really painful contraction, I start timing but without fail nothing consistent or regular has occurred yet.  I just want to make it to at least 37 weeks. Sick of sitting around with my feet up for sure!
Looking forward to: Doctor's appointment Friday. Hoping I can make it to friends' wedding this weekend. Not yet, I don't want this just yet... But eventually having my body (half) my body again when I deliver (but am still nursing).

33.. almost 34 weeks.

Weeks:  33 weeks, 6 days.
Feeling: Wellllll I sure took a wrong turn last week. I probably way overdid it and was exhausted. We had a wedding on Friday and by Saturday morning I was off. Really off. By 1:30pm I landed myself in L&D for contractions that were super painful and super frequent. After 4.5 hours of being hooked up to monitors, I was released on pelvic rest, told not to lift anything over 10 lbs (umm my kid??), and to take it easy. Since Saturday just feeling off still but better. Less contractions per hour, but still feeling some overall unease. It could just really be that it all made me anxious. We will see! I just want to make it to 37 weeks!

Belly:  Belly button totally popped. Belly feels so heavy!
Movement: Holy moly. No doubting this girlfriend is on the go! I can feel her entire body stretch out sometimes. It's crazy but cool.
Craving:  Waterade (aka half water half gatorade, with ice). Sleep. So much sleep.
Gender: Girly girlfriend.
Other symptoms: Anxiety! All related to Saturday's preterm labor threat, but with each passing day that chills out a bit too.
Random thoughts: The pool is still my best friend. We REALLY need to get on top of ordering things for baby and creating a space for her! Also I am so so so uber thankful for a wonderful nanny, supportive friends, and people rallying behind me this week to make sure I took it easy as the doctor suggested. You're all my gems.
Looking forward to: Doctor's appointment this afternoon to make sure all is still well. My parent's celebrate their 40th anniversary this weekend- a dinner to honor the couple!

happy birthday, love

{Posting on the birthday eve!}

For the past week, Sienna has been singing Happy Birthday to daddy! I can't wait to tell her it's finally here. She will be excited, mostly for the inevitable cake that accompanies that song. 

Happy Birthday J.

You are kind. 

You are honest and real.

You are patient and understanding.

You are the source of our laughter.

We are unbelievably grateful for you.

You are our favorite adventurer.

We adore you!

_

We better order a crib soon...

We're in the "home stretch" almost! 32.5 weeks feels that way. At 34 weeks all the major major worries start to assuage as the baby gets bigger and lungs get stronger. I am thinking a nice 39-40 weeks would be wonderful, just like with Sienna, but we will see what the future holds!

We have no crib. We have no baby room set up. Last time I am pretty sure we were all set by 33 weeks. This time? We will be lucky to have the rock n play up from the basement by my due date! 

{Excuse the random sink faucet, snapped this quickly at work}

Weeks:  32 weeks, 4 days.
Feeling: Overall, pretty good! My OB put suggested taking 2 zantac a day and it is amazing what it does to help with acid reflux. I feel really pregnant and wonder how I can last another 8 weeks, but otherwise pretty good!
Belly:  Belly button half popped out. Measuring around where I should, if not a teeny bit big.
Movement: We have moved from the nice gentle kicks to the whole entire body rolls and pushes where I feel hands and feet and a butt pressing out. Still super super active.  
Craving:  Cold water. Cold gatorade. Cold lemonade. These things still. Occasionally a cup of hot coffee or a latte which tells me third tri is really here, I never crave caffeine early on. Loving cold fruit and ice pops too!
Gender: As far as I know, still a little girl.
Other symptoms: Braxton hicks still happening all the time. Especially after a long car ride this weekend. Restless leg syndrome at night like crazy. Tired, but not awful. Starting to nest and think about baby's room and outfits and what life will be like when she gets here!
Random thoughts: The pool is my BEST FRIEND. We should really finish our kitchen table before the baby comes and we have even less time.
Looking forward to: A short work week for 4th of July, a wedding this weekend, hopefully some pool time on Saturday and Sunday, and napping when Sienna does for sure.

Some time for Us.

When we stood and said our vows at the altar, the words that brought me to tears were these;

With all that I am

And all that I have

I honor you.

Some days, all that I am and all that I have is...

enough energy to squeak through the day, put together some semblance of a dinner for Sienna, tuck her into bed cozily with her blankets, and dive into my own state of comatose with my book. 

Some days, all that I am and all that I have is...

enough energy to text Jamie to say "come home." Some days, all that Jamie is and has is to get through the crazy work days that have somehow been laid out in an uneven path in front of him lately. 

I don't mean it negatively, it's a life we built together and that when we take a step back, we adore. When we had Sienna, in the newborn days, when J got home, we'd all cuddle together on the couch before the witching hour began. We'd take in those quiet sweet moments. But toddlers are not into that, and most evenings we play hide and seek or how to keep the kid at the dinner table. We laugh and squeal and run around the house, a house filled with so much love- all that we are. All that we have.

But sometimes, once in awhile, a good break is needed to regroup. To reconnect. Last weekend, we packed up. We took less baggage than usual and planned for the theme of the getaway: low key. 

We had no agendas. No big plans. One dinner reservation was the only standing time set for anything. We didn't need to travel to St. Lucia or Hawaii. A speedy drive down to Rehoboth and a little garage apartment was the absolute perfect setting for our recharging. 

We slept when we wanted. We had no alarm (and no toddler alarm).

We didn't move some mornings until 10am.

We talked. About life. About marriage. About our kid(s). About the new baby coming. 

We worked on but didn't pick a baby name.

We watched too much OITNB and never turned on the news.

We sat on the beach, reading to ourselves, with the sound of the waves.

We soaked in the sun (too much the first day, oops).

We walked on the boardwalk to get ice cream, to get lunch, to just walk.

We I ate ice cream for dinner
We tried new restaurants. 

We recharged. We got back to us.

After four days together, we are rejuvenated.  Ready to take on this parenting thing and work lives and everything else in front of us.

But really, it was a much needed weekend.

(P.S. thanks mom and dad for watching sienna! she had a fun vacation too!)

{T E N} weeks to go!

Thirty weeks pregnant. Ten weeks left and this pregnancy is flying by much faster than the last one. It's also reminding me why third tri exists- to prep you for baby and remember how nice it felt to breathe without something pushing on your airway.

Weeks:  30 + a few days.
Feeling: This week I am feeling pretty good. We had an amazing father's day weekend with the family and got to have a little downtime both days during Sienna's nap. I find that if I have an hour or two to rest during the day, I overall feel better. I'm totally looking forward to meeting this little one and find myself talking to her more these days (sometimes about random things, sometimes to tell her to please move away from my ribs).
Belly:  My belly button looks like it may pop out this time! It never did when pregnant with Sienna. At night it feels heavy so I need a pillow under it even when on my side.
Movement: All the darn time. It's honestly such a great feeling. Last pregnancy S gave me a run for my money and even landed me in triage one night to check on her. This pregnancy it's so nice that every few minutes I get a "tap tap hi mom!"
Craving:  Cold water. Cold gatorade. Cold lemonade. It's getting hot. I am wanting less heavy food and more really cold beverages. I carry my insulated cup around 24/7 and am a water monster. Soon I'll float away.
Gender: Still a girl. Sienna now calls her baby SISTER. AH! Adorable! 
Other symptoms: Braxton hicks any time I have to pee. Sort of weird. Insomnia circa 4 am.  Oh and I get random periods when she must be resting funny on my airway but I really can't breathe- I have to take these slow exaggerated breaths. It also happens after dinner but I should blame that on the decreasing stomach space and food and not the baby maybe? But... also a dose of the happy hormones- really getting excited to meet this little girl and picturing her and Sienna loving each other.
Random thoughts: We did join a pool as I said we needed to a couple weeks ago. It's still hot.  What do you do with a toddler on the 15th rainy day of the summer? I have to bring Sienna to my OB appointment tomorrow, I'm terrified.
Looking forward to: A little pseudo babymoon this weekend with J- Rehoboth for a few nights and leaving Sienna with her two favorite humans- grammy and grandpa. Wish I could indulge in a nice glass of wine!

happy father's day, daddy

{Two years ago Sienna guest blogged on father's day, this year she's back at it with lots of words. Happy father's day, Jamie. You're one of a kind!}

Dear Daddy,

Hiiiiii! I love you so much. I like to call you daddy but sometimes if you don't answer lately, I call you JAMIE WALLS. That usually gets your attention.

You are the best daddy! I love waiting for you to get home from work and holding the door open for you. Speaking of which, thanks for always letting me play with you the minute you get home. Without even taking off your shoes, I have you running. We play hiding and you make me fly around the house. I can't stop laughing. My favorite hiding place is in my crib when you climb in with me and we hide under the covers- mommy can never find us there! Oh, by the way, I'm really sorry that one time I pooped on your jeans when we were playing in there. Diaper mishap, ya know...

I love your hugs, I love that you always kiss me goodbye before work (And I remind you if you forget now!) You help me learn new things and let me explore. You let me tackle you and jump off the stairs or off the edge of the pool into your arms.

When I get hurt, you scoop me up and give me kisses even if I say I don't want them. You're kind and patient and you really really are good at letting me make up games and following along. Also, I love finding worms outside with you. Some people say they are gross, but we both seem to know how awesome they are.

Most of all, I am thankful that you always put me first. You always want to give me a hug and a kiss. You want to keep me happy, but you also sort of tell me when I can't have what I want. I don't love that, but it helps me understand how this house works a little more.  It seems like sometimes you come home and are really tired, but you play with me anyway. On the weekends, you bound out of bed to get me and bring me downstairs for cartoons and you build tall lego towers with me while mommy sips her coffee slowly and acts like she is still fast asleep. Good thing we have each other, huh?

Daddy, you're my favorite. Thanks for being such a good dad to me. And also, can we please work on you staying in my room until I fall asleep? I mean, what else do you have to do? You can just sit in my chair and we can talk until I am sleeping, okay?

I love you tons and tons,

XOXO

Sienna

(Age 2 yrs, 4 months)

10 Things I'll do differently with Baby #2.

Last time I had a newborn, I was a new mama. I had no idea about the joy, or the worry, or the countless other emotions that come with having your own tiny little being come home with you from the hospital for the first time. I think we did a pretty good job- we tried our best.  But looking back there are things that I think could have.  And things I'll try to do this time. I say try because we all know what life with a newborn looks like.

1. Pumping: I was so engorged and everyone told me not to pump because I'd produce more milk. That statement was correct- but turns out I needed more milk! Those first few months my supply waxed and waned and I was joyous on the nights I leaked and had too much milk. So I'll pump earlier on if I am engorged. It will be relief and also help me start building my supply and the freezer supply.

2. Nursing in the evenings: I tried really hard to nurse on demand, but between the hours of 6pm and 10pm I often got frustrated. In my mind, if I could hold Sienna off another half hour between feedings I'd have a little more milk and she would be more full. I need to go with the cluster feeding in the evening, especially if it means less screaming from the baby. And there's that supply thing too.

3. Saying no to guests: I was bad at this. ONCE I said no but made Jamie say no for me. This time, if you text or call and I'm crying or nursing and it isn't a good time for a visitor- I will say no. This means at the hospital too. That time is so precious and so exhausting and sometimes the best thing is to have no one bothering you (except you mom, you're welcome anytime).

4. Saying YES when people ask if I need anything: Since becoming a mom, I make every attempt to help my mom friends when their newborns come. I shoot a text saying I'm dropping off dinner. I bring over little presents for the siblings. I throw their dishes in the dishwasher if they are in the sink. Last time when people asked, I would always say I was fine. This time? Yes, please bring me a frozen dinner. Yes, you can indeed throw that load of baby clothes in the washer. Yes, you can take Sienna outside for a half hour. Yes, to whatever you are offering.

5. Not letting it all fall on me: I was under the impression with Sienna that because I was nursing anytime she cried it was totally up to me to make her stop. Jamie was (and is) the best dad and offers continuously to help anytime I need it. I am determined this time to hand her off at 4am if I have already nursed the baby and she's still crying. I'm determined to go take a long hot shower while my dad offers to sing the new little one to sleep when she's fussing. It's too much to do it all alone, and I still struggle with that daily with Sienna. This time, I hope to start off on a better foot.

6. Be more gentle and kind to myself: I beat myself up last time if I ended up a bawling mess when Sienna was crying, or if I was so tired I couldn't see straight. This time, I know it's coming. The crazy hormonal crash after the joy. The feelings of Oh god what did we do... And I know that my mom friends will text or call me back saying, "it's so normal". I also think that due to a few close friends going through it, I will be better prepared to know what is normal vs PPD/PPA and make sure to deal with it if it comes my way.

7. Getting out of the house sooner: I don't mean heading to the club. I mean heading to Target without fearing the newborn will wail. Because she might- but she will be fine and so will I. Taking a shower and walking outside with Sienna to play, going to the grocery store. I might need help, but moving instead of just sitting has always been a good thing for me- no matter what it is that's difficult at that point in life. This shouldn't be any different. And I can take 3 minutes to shower, even if it means frizzy hair, because it makes me feel like more of a person.

8. Taking more photos with me in them: I don't care if I look tired and bleary eyed. I don't care if my hair is a mess- in 20 years I know 100% I will look back thinking I looked way better than I thought. And probably way better than in 20 years.

9. Showing up to groups- breastfeeding, play, whatever before 6 months: Social support has been my #1 gift as a mom. My mom, my friends. My closest mama friend is moving this week (tears) and I know that I will need others to hold me up and share my joys. Since we are keeping our amazing nanny on, there's no reason I can't kick myself out of the house at 8 weeks to get to the breastfeeding groups at the hospital or show up to a 2-4 month old parents as teachers playgroup. Never know where a new good mama friend is lurking. And no one judges if you show up in yoga pants and non-matching shoes. While I'm at it, making sure to thank my friends who support me, whether it be via text or phone calls or showing up with lunch.

10. Be less crazy about sleep (Sarah! don't laugh at me, I said TRY!): This is kid #2. There will be days car naps are necessary. There will be days when I will likely be nursing #2 when #1 wants breakfast and we have to take a break. Sleep is my biggest source of anxiety as a parent, probably because S thrives on good sleep and is so cranky when she doesn't get it- true for all kids but especially true for her. I am going to try to relax. I am going to remember that sleeping "through the night" means 5-6 hours, not 12. I am going to remember that this baby will be happy and loved, and while I will 100% still keep her on a schedule when possible, the days of nazi sleep mom may have to be relinquished. Someone remind me of this when I am texting people at 4 am saying that this is it and I am running away to a convent. 

I'm hoping this will make for an easier newborn transition for me and for the new baby. 10 weeks to go until we try all of this out!

(Then again... doesn't look like we did so bad, right?)