Where we are lately...

I played powerball last night. Despite best efforts and wishes to the lottery gods, I didn't win.

I have to say when I used to dream about winning the lottery I'd dream about a sprawling beach house and a walk in closet full of designer clothes. My dreams lately have turned to paying off grad school loans, buying a reasonably sized but perhaps newly built house in a dreamy town like Swarthmore, and well yes... that beach house in Rehoboth still enters the picture at times.

But, I think what I'm trying to say is lately I've made the shift from thinking of us as a newlywed couple with a newborn to a family of three-- possibly more one day-- figuring out our place in this world. I'm starting to think about things I never really considered five years ago: Where will Sienna grow up? What school will she go to? Where can we give her the perfect place to run around the neighborhood with her friends? I think this stage may be real adulthood. Real parenthood.

There's that whole saving enough money for a down payment in these sweet little towns we are thinking about. And then there's figure out how to live somewhere perfect for our family and commutable to our jobs that we really enjoy. Being a grown up is hard sometimes. I continue to struggle with the working mom balance daily and as I look to our future, I really do want my daughter to see that her mom has a lot of worth- both in the home and out. At the end of the day though, I'll never be the mom to go on weeklong business trips if I can avoid it. I'll always rush home to make sure dinner and bath are shared times. But still a balance is necessary to make the right decisions for what comes next for our family.

As I... no we... make this transition from newlyweds to new parents, to a family who is focused on what's best for the three of us, I feel like this is a time of change. Good change, but as always some anxious energy thinking about the future, too.  That's where I am lately- day dreaming about our future, living in our present.

And sometimes, taking photos like this when my girl randomly says "Cheese mommy!"