Taking it in...

We took Sienna to a pool party Sunday. She woke up an hour into her nap, which was pushed way late, screaming. She managed, between sobs, to tell me she needed milk and for me to rock her in her chair. The glider was going to be moved to the baby's room but each time I consider it,  I end up with a situation like this and think my pregnant back and legs are glad we've got somewhere to cuddle up.

I took my girl in my arms, wrapped in her "auntie sarah" blanket, with her two lambie lovies (carefully given the names"old" baba and "new" or "soft" baba), and pulled her into me. I rocked her until the tears stopped, after some milk and singing. I kissed her head and her soft now-dry pool hair. I usually get annoyed by these mid nap fits, but not yesterday. Yesterday I curled up with her, put the blanket over us, and closed my eyes. She must have sensed my calm because she molded into me, her head on my chest as if she was a newborn again, but this time her feet reaching over the ends of the glider sticking out from her blanket. She fell into a deep sleep- I breathed in with her and felt her little heart beat on mine. For over an hour, we napped together, cuddled in her chair, just like when she was a newborn.  When she woke up, she looked up at me and closed her eyes again. She said "hi mommy" through her heavy eyelids. Then, realizing she did not want to have nap time anymore, she hopped up and said "Go downstairs and play?"

And just like that, my sweet cuddly moment was over.

These days, the toddler days, aren't always easy. I find myself doing internal checks, sometimes by the minute, to keep my cool. I find myself searching for patience that by evening has left the building sometimes.  I don't think they are the terrible twos- just the trying toddler moments. I know she wants control. I know she is seeking my attention and approval.  I have to call my mom or text my mom friends and ask if feeling crazy is normal by the end of some days. I need to take a deep breath and realize I may lose a night of sleep or get a few more grey hairs or even have days when we both end up in tears, but overall we are really lucky to have such a great kid.  And, I'm doing my damn best to be a really good mom. Because kids need that.

Maybe, just maybe, if I can just curl up and smell that sweet little one, take more small moments out of my day, and give her just a few more minutes of cuddles, we will both be better off. The days are slow, but the years are fast. I'll miss this, I know I will...

Two years old.

Four weeks old.