23 months!

Before I even get started on the emotional side of this, can we just visit the scientific reality that is this: Babies can be sustained with nutrients from their moms for years. That.is.so.cool.

Why 23 months you ask? Well while S has only been out in the living breathing air space for the past thirteen months, we trecked through an almost ten month pregnancy before that (why do people say you are preg for 9 months when it is 40 weeks?). So 10 + 13 = 23.  I took care of the little lady for those forty weeks of pregnancy: healthy eating, exercise, sleep (sweet sweet sleep). And then.....

We exclusively breastfed for t h i r t e e n months. I'm really proud of that.

I think we owe a huge thanks to the people who were most supportive of our nursing relationship- J has been encouraging and as understanding as any guy could possibly be because we saved thousands of dollars on not buying formula it is the healthiest thing for our baby and he knew we could do it.  My mom was for sure a huge cheerleader too. What mom hands you the baby the first few weeks at 10pm after your 2 hour nap because she needs to nurse and then takes her back until her midnight feeding? Mine. We had a great lactation consultant in the early days too. She was private and came to our house- not part of the army of LCs at the hospital that are not the best in my opinion. You need someone whose passion is breastfeeding. A few 11pm calls through tear stained cheeks and a shaky voice saved our nursing relationship. And my nursing mom friends who have been there. Who answered texts about engorgement and pumping and nursing bras. Who knew when to tell me "it is just so hard sometimes" and when to say "keep going". This may sound cheesy, but nursing is not a one woman job. It takes a ton of support, time, and people who keep your spirit up and your eyes open on the long days.

For us, it wasn't a walk in the park. Nursing took effort. Back in the newborn days, S wasn't gaining a lot of weight. I remember going to the doctors at that two week mark just praying we were spiking in weight. We weren't. I was hysterical. I was so afraid I'd have to give up; give her formula. But with a kind hearted and gentle pediatrician and some more guidance from the LC, we went from slow gaining to well- the chunkiest baby. S was a lazy eater as a tiny just born thing, and her latch was medicore. But it got better and better.... And then about a month in, we got thrush. Horrible, pain shooting through my body thrush. Sienna would scream when we changed her diaper because of the horrible diaper rash. We both took meds. We pushed through it. As I nursed tears literally streamed down my face and I choked back the ugly cry. I held Jamie's hand and squeezed it. Sometimes I can't believe we survived those four weeks. But we did. It wasn't easy. I was tired. I was sad. I was hoping this would have been easier. But it was worth it to me. Having that tiny baby curled up to me and giving her what I felt was the best was worth it. Knowing I could soothe her in two seconds was worth it. Knowing that (with the GREAT assurance of moms who had been there before) it would get easier made it worth it.  I wish someone would have told me just how difficult it could be at times. They for sure told me how rewarding it would be, but my promise going forward is to tell new moms how hard it is. To pass on books and knowledge and comforting words. To empathize on the worst days and to encourage on the upswings.

Pumping. I hated pumping. I wrote a whole post about pumping here. If you're a mom who works and you want to breastfeed for the entire first year, pumping is a huge part of it. It isn't thrilling. Read my other post for tips. For sure doable, but for suuuuure tiring and takes planning.

And as we emerged from those hard newborn days, nursing became more enjoyable. It was a built in 30-40 minutes every few hours to take some downtime with my girl. I was forced to sit down, take a deep breath andd relax. Car trip and fussy baby? Nurse her and she's out for 2-3 hours. Going to a family outing? Nurse in the car before hand and smiles all around as she becomes the most social little bee. Flying 6 hours? Nurse x3 to keep her happy. Plus, up until our last days of nursing, cuddling up with my girl, especially on the weekends in our bed for a few extra minutes, was priceless. It's a relationship that is unexplainable and bonded me to S even more than I thought was possible.

Fast forward to the 7ish month mark. Baby girl was eating solids like a champ. Nursing only fourish times a day. Night wakings were minimal and there were days we were going hours without nursing. I remember around 9 months thinking, oh for sure she will cut down soon. But she didn't. As if she had read the baby books, she knew that 12 months was the time to start weaning. We stuck with four feedings from month 7-12.  And bed time hung tight at a whopping 30 minutes of nursing until 10-11 months. Then it happened. Like clockwork as her first birthday approached she started to be okay with switching out a bottle for nursing sessions. After she turned one, I thought we'd just stop. She had other ideas.... It took another month or so until we got to that point.

Our very last nursing session was last Thursday-before J and I went away for the first time together since she was born. For afternoon nap, I scooped her up and asked if she wanted to nurse. She smiled and as if she knew it was the last time she snuggled in. Then she fell asleep nursing. She never falls asleep nursing anymore, hasn't in the past few months. But her eyes rolled back as she nursed and her little eyelashes fluttered. And as her hand went from holding her lovey to patting my back to resting it quietly as her breathing slowed to that relaxed sleepiness breath. I squeezed her and rocked her back and forth for a few minutes, taking some time to appreciate how far we'd come. I pushed her hair out of her face, kissed her cheeks. I put her down in her crib and tip toed out of her room. I knew it was the last nursing session. It was incredibly bittersweet.

When we got back from vacation, there was a part of me that was sad (and shed a tear) about the fact that she's finished nursing for sure. My goal was always a year though, and we made it. Successfully.  Without a drop of formula. Without supplementing.  I am endlessly proud of our nursing relationship. I'll give myself and my girl a pat on the back. We did it.


First Day ever nursing. My tiny newborn.

Last nursing session. Sweet one year old Love.

I love you little Sienna, you are the best first baby I could have ever imagined. You taught me what it means to be more patient, to put you first and me second to make it through an entire year plus of breastfeeding. We did it together, kiddo. Happy 13 months of nursing to us!