On Mondays, I have to get up really early for work. So at 5:30 this morning, I am buttering some more cat prozac and traipsing around the house trying to find the cats. I find Dex quickly and his pill taking is relatively non-problematic. He purrs, is happy I'm holding him, and after he takes his very buttery pill goes to eat his breakfast. Little did I know the evening would be an entirely different story.
Move onto Internet. I know, our cat is named Internet. It is sometimes painful. When I call the vet, I actually just give them our phone number because sometimes people get confused when your pet is named after a concept/inanimate object. Anyway, I find him curled up at the bottom of J's feet this morning. Note: J is sleeping, sound alseep. Does not move when I pick up the cat.
Try to give cat pill. Cat manages to use his tongue to flip it up to the front and CHEWS THE PROZAC. Now, I don't know about any of you, but I've accidentally let a pill disolve before swallowing it before. Even things like advil taste horrible dissolving/chewed. So Imagine an RX med when you're a cat. Then it happens. Just what the vet said would happen. MOUTH FOAM. Foaming looks like he has rabies mouth. I start laughing. I can't help it. My cat has prozac foamy mouth. But then I remember the vet told me they can get sick from this and to make SURE you put the pill as far back as possible or else it tastes gross, and they can choke if they can't get it all down. The vet told me that if this happens the pet needs water. My laughter ends here and is overwhelmed by anxiety. It is so dumb, I am sure Cat Internet would be fine. I remember that Dr. Vet Man told me that I need to use a syringe to put water into the cat's mouth. I run downstairs in my pajamas (read: underwear), past the bay window, and into the kitchen. I am hoping my neighbors are not wondering what the heck I'm doing. Then I remember it is 5:30 am, dark out, and I am the only lunatic on earth searching for a syringe in my kitchen.
No dice. No syringe in sight. BUT I do find a turkey baster! Alllllright, this will have to do. I take a huge cup of water, the turkey baster, and chase down Internet, who is now hiding halfway under the bed growling at himself. I pull him out and try to give him water with the baster. The POOR cat is now crying. I am shooting water in his mouth and then trying desperately to make him eat a treat afterwards to wash away the bad taste. In retrospect, I should just have given him a little thing of ice cream- he loves ice cream and it would have helped. But no, instead, I sit on the floor, no contacts in my eyes, shooting water at my cat's face. HONESTLY WHO DOES THIS HAPPEN TO? After 15 minutes, I decide he is fine and that he has now eaten 4 treats. He quickly curls himself up, skips breakfast, and goes back to sleep. I'm just relieved he is breathing and that his rabies mouth has calmed down (though I can still hear him smacking his tongue and lips from the bathroom).
OH did I mention- J does NOT WAKE UP during all of this. Not through my laughter, my almost tears, and my shooting the cat in the face with turkey baster.
Cats: 1, Meg: 1/2 (I mean come on, I got Dex to take it easily).
I come home tonight to Dexter acting CRAZY again. He is crying constantly (more than his normal mewing) and following us around. But if we pick him up he cries more. He is a crazytown cat. I think he needs to try some Effexor or something. Anyway, after dinner I decide that I need some ice cream because my day has now been forever long and my brain hurts. As I am eating ice cream, I think, I'll give Dex a little to make him smile. (What? Cats can smile). As I am about to lean down to give him some, the dishwasher turns on and he LOSES his shit. Not literally, he does not poop on the floor although at this point nothing would surprise me. He has hair standing up, hissing at the dishwasher. Given, it's new, he has never heard the dishwasher before, but he thinks it is the devil coming to scoop him up and take him to hell. He turns in circles and after it stops, he also stops. But he now has decided the kitchen is the root of all evil. He won't step over the line of the kitchen floor and sits in the eating area crying. I finally give up and retreat to watch the Bachelorette.
Cats: 1, Meg: 0
Dex eventually comes to join me because he loves reality tv too. As I write this, Dex has decided he will lay quietly next to me and purr and make me sound like a complete liar about how crazy he is.
In other news, Ashley on the bachelorette has got to have some extensions- her hair looks so much bigger than last season, the mask guy is SO weird, and the drunk dude on the show should have really thought twice before mixing his drinks with tranquilizers. Though, let me tell you drunk Tim dude, soon I may be calling you to mix up a cocktail for my cats.
PS Today: Final Score, Cats: 2, Meg: 1/2. Tomorrow is another day.
0 comments:
Post a Comment