Ashley, I can't handle the tears but I WOULD like to see a TV wedding...

Remember back in the day when I used to be obsessed with all things reality tv? Well, I still am. I still tear open US Weekly every Friday after work if there is any mention of anything bachelor or bachelorette. And while I've been quiet on my opinions this season, I just have to talk about Ashley now that we're down to the final four.

Here's what I've got to say: I think this girl means well, but mannn is she drama. And that's coming from me. She cries every.single.time a guy doesn't gush all over her. Now, I know we all get swept up in the magical Cinderella sparkles that is the Bachelor, and I do love myself a good television proposal, but it is 6 weeks. So Ash, if these men are not literally falling all over you at the first kiss, give them a BREAK.

But, now that you've roped four in with your fake hair and eyelashes found a few good men who will let you meet their parents, let's discuss how far you've come since the days of Brad when you blinked your eyes like a doe (that's a deer,  female deer). You have somehow made yourself look like you have boobs (a big move), and also, I need to say, at least you've become more assertive. If you don't like them, they're out. But, you like so many of them... and the Bentley scenes still haunt my dreams... not really, but they were horrible.

Soooo here's who we've got left. Let's take a look.

First up: My favorite, JP.

I think last week half of the people who watch this show started to dislike JP. Because he wassss sort of a weirdo when she went on other dates. But overall, he seems like a nice guy. And he seems emotional enough that he won't peace out on Ashley for acting like madam clings-a-lot.

Ummm Ben and Constantine- their hair is the same. Ben is a little cuter. And I don't love either one. They don't get their own little posts. I think they will both go home. I'm not sure when, but I don't see either of them with Ashley. Especially Constantine, he still only seems half invested to me.

See? Neither is especially heart-stopping. But I guess Ashley likes that they still like her likes them. Good for you, Ashley.

Then we've got Ames. I really do like Ames as a person. If I ever was going on a cool Safari or like a jungle adventure, I'd want Ames to be my tour guide. He is fun, spontaneous, would move to a different country on the drop of a dime. He's a cool dude. But husband? For Ashley? Doubtful. She'd cry if he said he had rugby practice that night (no I don't know if he plays Rugby, have an imagination), never mind if he took a trip off the coast of Africa to shark dive. So while Ames seems nice (and cute), he is not my pick either.

So I guess JP is my pick. I think they'd make a good TV engagement too. And also let's be honest, everyyyy season I find something I don't like, and everyyyy season I'm back. In conclusion, Ashley is a big over the top needy, but I guess she's just a regular girl in her 30s lookin for love. Wait she is 26. How is this chick 26 and finished with dental school and practicing? Is she in her residency? Can you just LEAVE residency for reality TV? I just added to my own confusion.

Well Ashley, I wish you and your pretty hair a engagement that lasts. Because, let's be serious, I want to watch a million dollar television wedding to watch too. So even if your marriage won't last a long time, let's pull together a big ring, a fancy dress, and a production. After all, once you sign up for the Bachelorette, you're signing up to have your life broadcast into my home forever. xo.