Here we go again...

Well. We took the plunge. Baby Walls 2.0 is on the way! Sienna is going to be a big sister! (She still does not know this, we tried telling her once which only confused her. We will wait a little longer til the bump is apparent and then try again)

My goodness second pregnancy is different from the first. The day I found out I was pregnant with Sienna I spent hours googling pregnancy symptoms and babys r us and who knows what. The day I found out I was pregnant with this baby: I tell Jamie and hand him the test and Sienna pushes me out of the room and says "bye mommy, hiding with daddy!" and I carried on making dinner for the family. Having a toddler means that sometimes (sometimes now that I am no longer sick 24 hours a day) I forget I am even pregnant. Then my pants don't button and I remember.

This time I went to get my blood test on the way to work. There was a little sense of good anxiety, but nothing like this day which I still remember fondly. There's no collapsing on the couch after work. First time preggo mamas: SOAK IT UP!

In the beginning days I felt awful this time. Not like with Sienna. Awful vomiting and not being able to eat anything, stomach pains, the fatigue was intense, and nothing I did helped (preggo pops are great but weren't cutting it). My OB put me on Diclegis. It's a lifesaver.

18.5 weeks in and I feel human again. Still tired which leaves me suspicious that this is a mom-of-a-toddler problem in combination with a pregnancy problem and that it may indeed plague me this entire 40 weeks. We have our gender ultrasound this week and I am super excited! I can't decide what I think this baby is and with Sienna I was 100% sure it was a girl.

So at 18 weeks..

Weeks: 18.5 in the photo.
Feeling: Tired. Way less nauseous. Excited to find out gender.  Consistently a mix between ecstatic and terrified of how I'll parent two kids. At the same time.
Belly: Bigger than last time at 18 weeks for sure! Uterus remembers what to do!
Movement: Just a little, mostly little jabs at night. I feel like I felt more with S??
Craving: Cucumbers & hummus, mozz cheese with tomatoes. NOTHING meat related. Wine. How I miss my wine this time.
Gender: Find out Friday. J says girl. Chinese calendar says girl
Random thoughts: Poor baby #2. He/She has nothing to their name yet. I should really buy something new. I will do that Friday after our appointment, maybe.

So here we go again!

XOXO

TWO

Sienna is two (!!!)

Sometimes life goes by in a flash and I can't believe she's two. Other times the days and nights are long and I think, have we only been doing this parenting thing for two years now?  There are days I literally can't imagine life without her, and moments when I remember what it felt like to sleep in or have quiet time after work. I wouldn't trade this life for anything, though.

So much has changed in two years. Jamie and I have learned a ton about parenting, and Sienna has grown into the most charming little toddler. Sure, she has her moments, but in general she's one of the easy ones. She smiles and laughs when we are goofy with her, she lights up at the thought of any sweets (sweet tooth like her daddy), and her talking.... She doesn't stop.

You could say her verbal tendencies are her mama's; when we are together we talk non-stop. Her favorite phrases are currently "wook what happened!" and "oh my goooodness", both of which crack me up every time.

More than anything, Sienna is a sweet, kind, empathetic kid. If her cousin Stella cries she always comes to tell me that Stella is sad. At gym class she says "it's otay!" when someone falls. She's a lover- a hugger and kisser and cuddler (when she's in the mood).

We are so grateful to have a two year old who brings us so much fun and joy.

HAPPY SECOND BIRTHDAY SIENNA!!!

Xoxo,
Mommy + Daddy

I'm back. And this one's worth reading.

I've taken a blogging hiatus. We've been so busy and to be honest a little overwhelmed. Today my friend Sarah sent me a link- and told me- if I do nothing else today- to get around to watching this (with tissues). Heeding her warning, I waited for Sienna's nap time. And then watched.

This is the Great Adventure

If you don't have time to read it all, here's my favorite part:

"This abstract performance art called family life is our one run at the ultimate improv. Our chance to be great for someone, to give another person everything they need to be happy, ours to apologize for, to try again for, to get a little more right next time. Ours to watch disappear into their next self, toddler to tike... it's happening right now whether we prepare for it or not. All the while... this is it. This is the greatest adventure."

Cuddling after with my little.

Singing works just fine for me....

Hi.

It's been awhile.

Life has been mildly crazy. Holidays. Sick kiddo. Kid who popped her elbow out of socket again. Work is exciting but super busy with new research projects. And my sweet girl who I love more than anything has been so clingy to me that a spare minute literally does not exist. I walk the bridge of thankful for her attachment and -if I am going to be honest, as I always am on this blog- suffocated. I mean I can't shower without her in the bathroom. If I leave her room she screams. It's heartbreaking but also heartwarming. Difficult and endearing.

The last few days we've been home- just the three of us- getting back into our normal work and life schedule after Thanksgiving, visits to Connecticut (S looooves Gigi, her great grandmother), and some major snowfall for December! Things are calming. Work is in order, home is in order.

Tonight I sat down to address my Christmas cards (after a successful bed time of no crying from Sienna with a new night light and extra cuddles) and as I flipped on the TV, James Taylor was crooning Going to Carolina on NJTV. And while my plan was to watch this week's Blacklist, I was drawn in. When I was little My entire lie my dad always sang James Taylor to me. It somehow brought a sense of calm. It made me feel at home as he played his guitar to the tunes, even when I came home from Penn State bleary eyed from finals.

Years later, I am finding that these words, this beautiful music still soothes me. I'm now bleary eyed from a crazy week with a sleepless toddler and a ton of work, but it still brings me back. It always has. I can hear my dad's voice and the squeak of his fingers against the guitar strings.  It makes me want to curl up under a blanket and fall asleep. Or curl up under the covers and write out Christmas cards, as is tonight's reality.  Feeling thankful for these warm calming memories tonight. Off to address and get our cards ready to send to our loved ones!

There's a song that they sing
of their home in the sky
Maybe you can believe it if it helps you to sleep,
But singing works just fine for me....

(Thanks dad)

NUNEY!

When my cousin Kim and I were little, rumor has it we ran around in our underwear yelling "nudey nudey nudey!" Very appropriate, I know. But we always had the best time together.

Sienna discovered that she can undress herself. When we ask her what she wants to wear her response is simply, "NENNA NUNEY!!" aka nude. She wants to wear nothing.

So, 90% of her day is spent in just a diaper. On the upside, when it comes to potty training, I guess we will be in good shape with no pants to take off.

Happy Nuney Day Thanksgiving Eve!

Happy Birthday Mama!

Happy Happy Birthday to the best mom I could ever imagine. We love you infinitely! xoxo

Conversations with a Toddler: Baby Jesus

Sienna has a few Christmas books.  One is a little boy telling the story of what he would have done if he was there when baby Jesus was born. Sienna actually is quite familiar with the term "baby Jesus" and loves our neighbors manger set up outside their house. She told them one day "uh oh! baby Jesus brrrr" before he had a blanket on him. It's pretty darn cute. Fast forward to tonight reading this book.

Mama: Sienna, who is that?
Sienna: Baby Jesus! (Continuing to tell me who else is on the page) Mama, Dada.... ummm... Grammy??
Mama: Sienna I think that's a wiseman.
Sienna: Noooo.... mama, dada, grammy!

Well mom, you've been promoted to wiseman wisewoman, You're clearly climbing the ranks over here.

Sarah + Michael: A love story.

I've known Sarah since college. She was always there to cheer me up, make me laugh, and then took on living with me during that college to real life transition. For us, a time of who, where, and what we are. Sarah and I would sit on her bed talking (sometimes with cheetos in hand after a few cocktails in Manayunk) until the wee hours of the morning. We talked fantasized about "one day" and what that might look like. After my smart and funny friend got into law school, she moved away from Philly but we always kept in touch. For some reason, Sarah is a person I go to when I have a silly secret to keep. And we talk about things that others may say are petty, but we get it. She also has my appetite for love, for friendship, and well, you know, also for delicious foods. Last year I got the phone call from my dear friend that she was engaged! I already knew Michael was the one from her- from their stories to their need to be near each other.  I also instantly knew she'd plan an incredible wedding-- and that she did.

This weekend we packed our bags and took off for Charlottesville, Virginia. We hoped to make it down Friday for some celebrations, but a few life circumstances got in the way so Saturday we arrived just in time for the ceremony. You know what is wonderful about an episcopal ceremony? It was just like ours. The words "with all that I have, and all that I am, I honor you" was where I choked up during my own wedding. I saw this amazing love between Sarah and Michael that was crushingly beautiful. I watched the way she held both of his hands in hers the second she could during the ceremony. How even when they were listening to the readings, her hand was on his back, never letting too much space between them. I watched how Michael did not wait more than half of a second before kissing Sarah when "you may kiss the bride" occurred. Mostly, I watched them smile at each other as if they were two teenagers who had a secret romance to hide. Also, they looked like something out of a magazine. Gorgeous (handmade) dress, a great tux. These two were meant to be bride + groom.

Sometimes, at weddings, one of my favorite things is listening to speeches or the couple talk because it tells the story of how they met, what they love, why they fell in love. But no speeches were needed here. Their story literally wrote itself on the walls. I was incredibly impressed and enamored at the same time. We know details make my heart flutter, and these were to die for. Sarah executed everything perfectly- and their story unfolded.  Large chalkboard like prints hung around the cocktail area for all to see. 

For example, this board explained this loose leaf piece of paper. I love this! 

Sarah and Michael call each other honey bunny and that was the underlying theme. This board was one of my favorites:

Then there was this board. That made me laugh so much.

These details were just so well thought out and creative. Sarah poured every ounce of not just her, but their relationship into the details.  I'd be willing to wager that even if someone didn't know one half of the couple before the wedding, they knew their story after the wedding. 

As seating cards, we were given a "pocket celebration guide" listing order of events and the foods to accompany each. I loved this idea- and it set me out on a hunt for the tuna tartare and crab cakes. 

Here are a few photos snapped with the gorgeous bride. Her veil and dress were just perfection for her. As the night moved on, I rarely caught a glimse of either of these two without the other (except for in the ladies' room). They danced together, always looking like they were the only ones in the room. Towards the end of the night, the band let them come up and sing Don't stop believing with them. Michael belted it out while Sarah gave him a knowing look of "oh absolutely not" as he tried to hand her the microphone. But as the song progressed, our lovely little Sarah who likes songs she "can sing to" realized this was one of them and joined in too. I think that's the picture I'll have in my head of the two of them. Compromise, comfort, love. I wish you guys nothing but all of that. I know for sure you will love each other with reckless abandon, travel the world together, and grow old together.

You two remind me of one of my favorite quotes of all time, from the movie Meet Joe Black:

 Love is passion, obsession, someone you can't live without. I say, fall head over heels. Find someone you can love like crazy and who will love you the same way back. How do you find him? Well, you forget your head, and you listen to your heart. And I'm not hearing any heart. Cause the truth is, honey, there's no sense living your life without this. To make the journey and not fall deeply in love, well, you haven't lived a life at all. But you have to try, cause if you haven't tried, you haven't lived. 

ONE MORE THING:

Have a donut truck at your wedding.

Unprompted Love.

Sienna has been crazy attached to me lately. Mommy and mama are nearly the first words out of her mouth in the morning (if we aren't counting saying good morning to her duck lovey), and almost always the last word at night after a tired "night night" is muttered. 

She wants me all the time. If I am upstairs and she is downstairs, she will come to the bottom of the stairs and scream, "MAMA! Downtairs now!" When J tries to distract her, she figures out a way to wiggle past the gate and open the bathroom door, even the shower curtain, until she finds me. 

Some days it is utterly tiring. I can't unload the dishwasher without her asking to be picked up, or yelling for me to come play a game. If I leave her with someone else, she says no and cries. (She's always fine less than  five minutes after I'm gone) By the end of the day, I feel like I've been needed so much sometimes that I might as well have a newborn. The honestly may sound harsh, but motherhood for me has always been about finding balance- there is good and bad lurking around every corner- but the good joy always outweighs the not so joyous.

Last night, I knelt down to find some tupperware for leftover soup. I had the cabinet door open and was stooped down peering inside. I heard the pitter patter of little feet coming running towards me and before I had the chance to turn and look, I got bombarded with a huge hug from behind. Two little outstretched arms, a head resting on my back. Giggles. Sienna has always been a cuddling baby and child, but this development lately is life changing. The choice of unprompted warmth and affection from Sienna is so incredible. It is these moments that hands down make me feel like every hard moment of parenting is worth it.  It's understanding that while we may have a tantrum to deal with, or a rough night of sleep, we are teaching her that affection is good. It is knowing that despite how crazy life seems in my head at times, it is actually quite lovely. 

I need to give myself reminders to let go of the little things that can build up sometimes in parenting. You know, the 4am playtime that makes me exhausted the next day. The tiny freak out over wanting to touch something that's hot. The bad car ride resulting in tears. They are little missteps on this adventure, but it is always worth the journey. The little things on the flip side: getting a hug without asking for one from my one year old. Hearing the sweet joy of giggles when Sienna thinks something is funny. Watching her learn new words and use them every day. Those are actually the big, important things.

I'm so thankful for my toddler (okay fine, and my husband who sometimes plays like a toddler), who are able to show me the joys in life, just when I need it the most.

Cheap Makeshift Daily Latte

I love a good Starbucks soy latte. My stomach has never really handled regular old coffee the best, but I always want the caffeine. That said, Starbucks is not on my daily spending list anymore. We are thinking about our future, a new house, and how to save a few pennies and a drink that costs over $3/day didn't make the cut.

We have a Keurig, and I could buy the ready made lattes that you can pop in, but they never quite do it for me. They always taste more like a chalky hot chocolate to me than a foamy goodness latte. I also realize in theory, we could invest in a cappuccino machine and make our own lattes but hello saving money.

So I toss a half-calf in the Keurig (I never fully weaned back onto full caffeine post pregnancy and a full year plus of nursing, plus I like the taste better. While it's brewing, I put in my sugar and/or splenda depending on my choice that day.

I choose the smaller of the two options (if you have the newer Keurig you probably choose the tiniest one if you wanted to- or the medium one) because I want room for my frothy milk. Then once it is brewed I take a teeny splash of vanilla extract to it.

We keep soymilk in the house. I know there are some people who say soy is bad for you, but I only have it in my coffee each day because I'm lactose intolerant and it's only a couple of ounces. Now here is the secret to my madness coffee: I shake it as hard as I can. Now no, it's not the foamy goodness from starbucks that's hot when it comes out, but it does work! As soon as I'm done shaking, I put it in the already brewed coffee.

Delicious morning treat- and much cheaper than the daily stop at Starbucks. The holiday cups are out and the peppermint lattes are calling my name, but I know I can pick up a Peppermint Mocha  creamer and fulfill this need the same way. Here's to home made coffee !