things you think are normal because you are pregnant but other people think are bizarre

I realize that I take for granted that people understand the inner workings of pregnancy, doctor's appointments, weird body things that happen. But I guess a mere 5 months ago I didn't really know either. As I talk to my friends and hear their disgusted surprised reaction to some things, I realize that I indeed delved into a world that is totally unknown to outsiders. So let's talk about some weirdo things that non-pregnant people don't have to think about. And it's not all bad either...

1. Getting on the scale every 4 weeks and hoping you gain weight for baby, but also DREADING seeing the numbers go up. It is a conundrum. And last night, my good friend said "wait, they track your weight like that? I fluctuate 2 pounds in a day". Ohhhhh yes, they do. And they like to review your weight with you each appointment. Now, some days I'm all "yay gaining weight baby is growing" and other days I am like "baby weighs one pound. my ass must be growing!".... It leaves me sometimes feeling like an animal they are weighing every month in hope the weight gain is enough to equal slaughter (or perform child birth, I am sure neither are super pleasant, but child birth has a much better outcome!)

2. Breast pumps. Breastfeeding. Talking casually about these things. Fine, I still don't totalllly get it either. But the pump is on my registry so now I'm knowledgeable. Also I have read things. Scary things. And I purchased a book. My friend Laurie told me it's the one thing she would recommend I read more about pre-baby, so I'm on it.... but non pregnant friends? They think this is a bizarre ritual. I sort of concur. Natural... but bizarre.

3. The love/hate relationship with maternity clothes. Some are cute, some are ugly. But all are an additional wardrobe you need to purchase. And guess what? While I originally thought oh hey I can just wear my loose fitting clothes, I have totally changed my mind. Dressing my little bump in more fitted clothes makes me feel pregnant instead of fat- much appreciated. And I find myself browsing dresses online daily. But, I know I'll love the (HOPEFULLY!!) days when I can fit back into my True Religion regular jeans and throw on any of my 250 shirts in my drawers/closet without having to plan ahead!

4. Ridiculous starving hunger. When I am hungry, I can't wait. I one time almost side tackled a waiter at a restaurant to get the bread. I cant' wait. I carry granola bars and other snacks at all times. I get legitimately nervous if I don't have these items within reach because WHAT happens if I get hungry? Last night I woke up at 4 am hungry (I ate dinner way earlier than usual) and felt baby kicking around. I told her she needed to wait til morning for breakfast, but it was a rough 20 minutes of envisioning food in the fridge downstairs. The upside to this? I eat more often and actually think I am doing a better job of getting healthy calories in. I need to make them count when I eat so they hold me over until the next snack or meal!

5. Hair Growth. Crazy hair growth. In grad school, we used to joke about my fine hair. My ponytail was like 1/25 of my friend Sarah's. But, no longer. My hair is long and growing more and more. It is thicker too. I am going to be sad when this ends. Hair growth isn't limited to the pretty locks, I have also noticed some thin peach fuzz hair on my stomach! So bizarre.

6. Feeling like an alien is taking over your body and talking to yourself.  Both in a VERY good way. I was asked to describe how it feels when baby moves one day. I said "like someone is pushing on your stomach or kicking you from inside".... umm, yeah I forgot that I would not have understood that either. But, it's true! And it's awesome. And every day when I feel her moving around in there I am thankful that she's okay and being active. And I talk to her about what she's doing (probably sounding crazy). In the car last week I found myself telling her which qualities of Jamie's I hope she gets and about her new room.

It's a weird and yet really fun time. Jenny McCarthy's book "Belly Laughs" is pretty damn accurate. Weird, but wonderful and hilarious. Your body is transforming overnight, and you have no control. So it's no wonder pregnant moms spend their time browsing cute baby clothes and having minor hormonal freak outs. There's nothing "normal" about pregnancy, but I don't think I'd want it any other way. It's 9 (10, they lie when they say 9) months of bonding with baby to be, getting used to the idea of having a new life in your home, and if you are us... discussing names until you turn blue because you don't want to give your kid a weird name, but also don't want to be too boring.

When you want to know even more about the truth, come find me... I'll be brushing my hair and talking to my unborn child while eating snacks.