Growing a Baby is HARD WORK

I wrote this post when we found out we were having a baby. Updates inserted in red.

Yep, that's right. I said a baby. I am writing this post and saving it. I am not sure if I will even post it. But it is for me and J and to keep track of our life. And since this silly blog dialogs our life, it is only appropriate that baby bubba gets their own post. So there is indeed a small little baby growing. I think. I haven't had my blood tests yet. But I think. For Real. (Blood tests and heart beats and ultrasounds say yes).

Let's back up.  About a week ago (today's Wednesday June 22), I was like hm ya know, I feel WEIRD. Yep, just weird. Not like vomiting in the toilet can't keep down wine weird (that would come later), but weird. So while J made dinner on the grill, I took a preg test. It was negativeslightlypositive. I mean so slightly that you literally had to SQUINT, hold it up to the light and turn around in circles. I ask J, "Do you think I'm crazy because I think there is a line". He just smiled and kissed me. That means, "Yes babe, I do but I won't tell you that when it is regarding our possible offspring." Fast forward a few days. It's mom's retirement party. I have like 3 pieces of pizza and a glass of wine that night.(I mean I ammmmm sort of lactose intolerant, the cheese could have been the culprit. We once used that as a grand excuse in high school) Saturday morning. VIOLENTLY ill. Stomach wants to eject itself from my body. J and I go upstairs to nap. I ask again, "Do you think there is a baby in there or you think I just need to wait longer to see?" J again smiles, and agrees to just take a long nap with his then crazy wife.

Sunday we come home and I am STILL curious. I take another test. Mind you I own like the cheapiest test there is. I see a line. A real line, but also still a very very light line. I am not romantic at first because I am still somewhat confused. I walk downstairs and say to J, and I quote "Tell me THAT'S not a line" His response? No hugs and cuddles and tears. He says "That's not clear blue easy."(Apparently, in retrospect, that doesn't matter. The cheap tests work too. But arm yourself with some expensive ones.) So I am like crap, my husband, and the daddy of this maybe existent child is not excited. But I sort of feel the same way. I am totally not convinced. So I say "be right back".

I run to the pharmacy and arm myself with 5 more tests. Two different kinds. I buy J a Father's Day card. Oh did I forget that? We found out on Father's Day. I come home. I pee again (I drank gatorade on the way to the store and ditched my diet coke after 2 sips after starting to FREAK OUT about my recent caffeine intake). This time it is a plus sign. A plus sign! Cue heart butterflies. I write out J's first "pre" father's day card and stick the positive test inside.  I do realize in retrospect I made my husband hold my pee. But whatever. J then reads and says aww and we hug and kiss and do happy dances. And then J makes me dinner and we eat. Because baby needs to be fed! Then I don't know what to do because you know, you can't tell people. You can't tell people?! Um anyone know me to keep a good secret? Nope. This is going to be the hardest 3 months of my life. (Note* 4 months. I waited 4 months to make this "public".)

So since I can't tell "people" I tell google. I google my due date (February 28 according to the interwebs on Sunday), I google how big my baby is (less than 1mm), I google baby names (okay fine, I was getting ahead of myself). J and I decide to get comfy on the couch and watch a movie. I promised to watch it, but I spent 90% of the time googling. (February 24 according to the doctor... but what do they know?!)

Then I don't sleep that night. BUT here's the funny thing. For the past two weeks I have not been sleeping well. Not at all. Up at 5am, sleepy at 9pm. Helloooo why did no one tell me how TIRING it is to grow a baby?  I feel exhausted. 24 hours a day, I want a nap. My eyes start to close. This may or may not be complicated by the fact that my morning latte and afternoon diet coke have disappeared. But I don't think so.  And my stomach does not like me. It also does not like my prenatal vitamin that is legit a horse pill size x5. I know this is not news. I am not the first person to ever discover this. But other than that, I feel okay. And happy. (I still miss my lattes, but regular coffee can be gone forever for all I care)

Baby daddy, J, has been cooking baby mama some food before I get home at night. My commute is KILLING me right now. My eyes close the entire drive home. I have off this Friday and get my blood work to make sure there's a baby growing. And I already love 1mm baby. (my commute is over, hallelujah.) 

First doctor's appointment is July 15th. I am sooo excited. I have questions. Again, google can help me with most. But I just want to know this is all real. After that we will tell our families. And then becomes the long wait until we decide to tell the rest of the world. (Ha, that never happened. I told my parents before the appointment).

So for now, for today, growing a baby is very hard work. And now I am going to eat a microwave meal, take my horse pill, drink some gingerale, and curl up under a blanket tonight. So happy. And so excited to grow a little one! We are so lucky.

And little baby, I already love you. xoxo.

(A big shout out to my wonderful friend Kelly who knew about pregnancy from day 2 because she called me out on it and managed to keep it a secret. You are the best.) 

This is our first photo together after finding out. I forgot to even take pictures of the positive tests. I do have them though. I also have the card I gave J. But no photo evidence. Note how exhausted I look in this picture!